SYKES: Well, you know, I watched the convention. you know, watching the Democratic Convention, it felt like America. You know, it looked like America. It was hopeful and it was positive and, you know, everybody holding hands. And then I watched the Republican Convention. It was like watching a meeting in Dr. Evil’s lair.
SYKES: It was like all of the evil people got together, and they were having an evil board meeting.
SYKES: And each of them, you know, at the board meeting all got up, and each one would tell their plan of how they’re gonna, what they’re going to do with the evil. and it was just so tense and scary. ‘Cause you know those Dr. Evil board meetings, somebody gets it. You know, they usually —
LENO: Oh, they press the button and —
SYKES: Press the button and —
LENO: Go through the floor.
SYKES: You go into a pile of alligators or something.
LENO: Right, right.
SYKES: And I was tense. and it’s usually the weakest one. And I figured that’s why Bush didn’t show up. he was — Bush is, like, “I’m doing this via satellite,” ’cause, you know, he was scared. He was like, next thing you know, Giuliani runs up behind him with a baseball bat.
LENO: Wow, wow.
SYKES: He walks out on the — you know, walks out on that stage, and he’s like, “Why is this plastic on the floor? what’s going on?” Like the scene from Goodfellas.
LENO: Wow, you seem to know all these moves. Now, what are you expecting on the debate Friday? You gonna watch? It should be interesting.
SYKES: I’m going to watch. And please, everybody, please, Jay, this is the most important election I know in my lifetime. It’s the most important — not saying your — I’m sure your lifetime, too, Jay. I’m not saying, you know, you’re old.
LENO: Right. Well, to me, of course, Howard Taft, that was my president.
SYKES: And I can’t believe there are still people who aren’t registered. There are still people out there. And I’m like, I think that there should be a list. And people who don’t vote, we should make a big list, and anything that bad happens, they should get it first.
SYKES: You know? Years from now when we’re driving around in our electric cars, we should still make them pay $12 for gas.
LENO: Oh, I see. Yeah.
SYKES: They should get it. I mean, it is very important. but, yes, I’m going to watch. I’m gonna watch the debates. Of course, you know, I’m for Obama, man. Come on.
LENO: Oh, really? I’m surprised.
SYKES: Yeah, you’re shocked?
LENO: I’m shocked. I thought —
SYKES: You’re shocked? You’re shocked.
LENO: I had you pegged for a a Republican.
SYKES: You take me for a a republican? Yeah, I don’t know. Maybe it’s all my conservative views.
LENO: Yeah, that could be it. Now, of course, McCain —
SYKES: Or my love for the elderly. Maybe that’s it.
LENO: Yeah. now, McCain has picked Sarah Palin. As a woman, I imagine you’re beaming with pride that she seems like exactly what you would want. So excited that a fellow member of your sex is now risen to this lofty — [pause] am I wrong?
SYKES: Jay, I’m a feminist. but I’m sorry, that woman’s crazy. That’s a crazy, scary lady right there. Gun-toting and, you know, shooting caribou. I mean, come on, Jay. You ask me what do I think about her? There’s really nothing to think about. I mean, we don’t know anything about her. They don’t let her talk. They say, “Oh, she’s meeting with the world leaders.” But there’s no reporters. I’m like, is she meeting with the world leaders, or did you take her to the Epcot Center? Let her drink around the world? You know, because I’ve done that. Maybe I should be Secretary of State. I have more — you know, the woman, she just got a passport last year.
SYKES: She has been to Mexico. Does this ring a bell, George W. Bush? Come on. This was — she hasn’t been anywhere. She was like, “I can see Russia from my backyard.” What — what — what — while you were delivering letters to Santa Claus at the North Pole? I mean, are we stupid, you know? And I hate when they say, well, you know — and it is sexist to ask people, you know, how can she be, you know, president or maybe vice president or maybe president with five kids. That is sexist. You would never ask a man that. But for you all having these visions that she’s going to be, you know, some mom and also VP, get that out of your head. She’s going to do what all of the other people do. She will pay somebody to take care of those damn kids. She ain’t — she ain’t going to be in the White House changing diapers in the Oval Office! She better not be! I hope she never sees those kids when she’s in office. She’s got stuff to handle. She better not be on the phone talking about, “Hold on, Vladimir, my baby wants to say hi. Say hi to Vladimir. Hi, Vladimir! Say hi.” Out of their damn minds. but I’m sorry. I don’t buy it. she’s — there’s nothing there. absolutely nothing there.